I knew that late April/early May were going to be crazy, and as I anticipated everything on my calendar I’d feel my blood pressure rise. “Embrace the anxiety,” I’d tell myself. “It says you’re alive.” Maybe a little too alive.
Over the past two weeks I’ve had the anxiety of leaving a job, driving to the mountains by myself (major stressor for me), riding a motorcycle, driving home alone in the rain (again, super stressful), starting a new job, a family visit (love my sister, but … ), and now getting ready for our holiday, which in itself causes me to freak out.
The driving part turned out better than I had hoped, but the motorcycle riding was a disaster. G loves to ride his bike, and he takes long rides up into the North Georgia mountains most weekends. He wants nothing more than for me to ride on the back of his bike. I tried, I really and truly did, but I guess I have a completely irrational fear of motorcycles. Our 18-mile lunch ride turned into me sitting at a gas station at mile 9, in tears, while he rode back to get the car so he could retrieve me.
Disappointing on so many levels because this was one thing that we could do together, but I am honest to God terrified of it. He was pretty sad that I didn’t enjoy it, and I felt badly to let him down. 😦
The family visit was fine (but very short), the new job is good, and now all that is left is preparing for holiday. Of course I decided to sew a bunch of new clothes and left the worst for last (which is now a wadder on the closet shelf, never to be mentioned again).
The only real positive of this level of anxiety is twofold: I’m not stress-eating, and when we get on the plane this weekend I will heave a huge sigh of relief and just relax.
Eckhart Tolle says something about anxiety being caused by anticipating what can happen, and to stop anxiety you live in the moment. Sometimes that’s tough, but I’m working on it.
How do you manage anxiety? Do you embrace it, or do you fear it?
On another note: As you may know, my home is Alberta, Canada, where the Fort McMurray wildfire known as The Beast has been raging for over a week. I’m sending prayers for everyone affected. My anxiety is nothing compared to what those people have endured, and what they will face emotionally, physically, financially and psychologically as they recover. Heartfelt thanks to first responders who risked so much to help so many! I’ve made a donation to the Red Cross to help out.