They say that you learn things about yourself by writing a blog, and looks like this is absolutely true.
Okay, so I am calm and well organized; the sanest, most steady person you’ll ever meet. You want to have me on your side in a crisis. Or that’s what I thought. By writing this blog I’ve discovered that I am absolutely delusional.
I tend to draft a lot of journal-style blog posts and leave them unpublished. Right now in my draft folder there are four posts discussing my level of stress, plus I published a post on anxiety and how good it is for me (liar!). The other night I slept without my mouth guard and the next morning my teeth actually ached because I’d clenched my jaw so hard all night. Better still, on Sunday I made ice cream (oh so good) just for a treat, and that became the basis of my dinner on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.
So I’m going to come right out and say it – in spite of my outward appearance, I’m not calm, I don’t have it together, and I’m really stressed.
We move to our new house in 2 weeks. G – who is always stressed and super Type A – has packed half the house and the boxes are lined up neatly in the garage, just waiting for a truck to pull up. What have I done? I went through boxes of photos. Yup. Felt pretty danged good about it, too.
I’ve also been sewing. Not very successfully because I can’t even settle into a project. When I’m home alone in the evening and I could get a lot done I’ve instead watched countless episodes of The Great British Bake Off and Come Dine with Me on You Tube on the little TV in the kitchen. Sitting in the kitchen when I should be … hmmm … packing perhaps?
Last weekend I finally started putting things in boxes and managed to get through the dining room (about 8 boxes) while G not only packed about 25 boxes and organized the whole garage, he also found time to grind beef and make burgers including the made-from-scratch buns. My contribution was bagged salad, and throwing ice cream mix into the little Cuisinart. In fairness, I did also the normal stuff that is needed to keep life going, like clean the house, tidy up the garden, do six loads of laundry and get groceries.
Here’s what this introspection called ‘blogging’ is teaching me: I do get freaked out and scream a little bit inside when I think of major disruptions like moving. But my genetics are very British so I just keep bloody calm, at least on the outside. (That also means I’m eating my stress and have hit sugar island a few too many times which must stop NOW.) Moving is a big deal. It’s a disruption.
This weekend the distractions have to be limited (hear that Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Pokemon GO?) and I have to just put my head down and get crap done. Biggest way to kill stress is just to get things done. Right?